Muteness

The act of collecting a treasure trove of memories, of giving voice to others who might otherwise be inclined toward muteness in the face of grief, has brought wonderful dividends. It’s one way I have been able to cope with this impossibly huge loss and help determine the shape it takes for me and my daughters.

Often this mission of mine has been quite specific, perhaps calling for a pause in a family gathering to ask each one present to reflect on a memory or some cherished moment with Steve. Other times, it’s been more subtle.

I believe my own willingness to talk about Steve or something I particularly miss in not having him around encourages others to do the same. It’s not the standard course of everyday conversation, particularly as the years have passed since he died, but by laying the groundwork early on that invites Steve talk, it’s helped me and my girls keep this man who so loved us present in our hearts, to help us own our grief.